I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
