Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
