gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
