yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
oh god was she eating orange peels again
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
