you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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