im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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