Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
