i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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