I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
