quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
