I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
