OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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