you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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