I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize