You can't special order awesome
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize
