you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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