There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
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my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
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Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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