It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
