I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
