I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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