i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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