Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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