Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
