You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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