you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
