Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
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