mondays should just be called national damage control day
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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