A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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