i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
