i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
