I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
