This dress was meant to end up on your floor
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
