I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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