Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
