Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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