Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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