Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
