i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
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Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
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how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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