yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My feet surprised me
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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