Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
