Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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