My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i drank out of a bidet.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
