She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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