Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
i think my cat just said my name.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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