I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I supernannyed him into submission
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
