never play flip cup with pint glasses
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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