mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
