Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
