I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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