i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
