please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
