you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
