My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
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