I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
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I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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