you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
