I will die if light touches me.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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