Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be still, my beating vagina.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize