in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
