Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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