I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
