I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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