Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
