Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
