I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
