I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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