I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
