So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
