then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
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You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
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Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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