My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
