i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
