You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She just used a chaser for red wine.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
